August is National Breastfeeding Awareness Month. Although I'm not breastfeeding any longer, I really do miss it. I have two daughters; one is almost three and the other is 14 months old. Looking back, I can say I had a much better experience breastfeeding my second time around.
With my first daughter, breastfeeding was not a good experience until she was several months old. When I was pregnant, I had spent so much time preparing for the birth, but very little time preparing for breastfeeding. I assumed that I would just learn in the hospital and everything would be just fine.
Man, was I wrong. The lactation consultant was not helpful at all. I actually learned a lot more from my postpartum nurse than her. I felt like I was being ridiculed by the consultant for not knowing how to breastfeed my first child. I read the information they gave me and watched videos in my hospital room. All of my time was spent trying to breastfeed my daughter.
She did not have a problem sucking, she just wouldn't open her mouth wide enough. It was a painful experience since her mouth wasn't grabbing enough boob and she was pinching my nipple with her hard gums. I ended up leaving the hospital just thinking, "Well, I guess breastfeeding is just painful and that's why so many women don't do it."
I was determined to continue breastfeeding though. For a few weeks I dealt with the pain. My nipples were cracked and bleeding. I also worried about how much milk my baby was actually getting so I pumped between feedings. This was a big no no! My breasts were engorged every morning and I'd wake up to a soaked t-shirt. I rubbed lanolin on my nipples, but it didn't help at all. I did a little research and found that just rubbing my own breast milk on my nipples and letting them get some air was the best for healing the wounds. This worked amazingly!
I eventually had to train my daughter to open her mouth wider by not letting her have the boob until she did so. With her, I never felt the "bonding" that everyone talks about, and I think it was because of the negative attitude I had developed about early breastfeeding. I basically just felt like a cow providing nutrition to this baby who didn't realize that I was more than just a milk maker.
I gave birth while I was in college trying to become a Diagnostic Medical Sonographer, so after six weeks, I had to start going to classes and working at clinical sites full time. I pumped like crazy, and thankfully my daughter did not have a problem switching between bottle and breast. I actually looked forward to breastfeeding her when I got home, because I hated pumping.
When my daughter was about 11 months old, she started weaning herself. She was no longer interested in focusing on feeding, and would take breaks to look and squirm around. My milk production started to decrease. I also became pregnant with my second daughter at this time, and my milk supply dropped even further. I felt fine with stopping breastfeeding at this point.
When my youngest was born, breastfeeding was a breeze. She latched fine, I had no pain, and I still remembered how to breastfeed. I learned from my previous mistake and I only pumped when I was at work. I didn't really become engorged ever, yet I made plenty of milk. This time I immediately felt the bonding that I wished I had with my first. I remember being in the hospital in the middle of the night when I went to breastfeed my youngest. She gave me a deep look like she knew I was her mother, that she appreciated and already loved me.
My youngest was over a year old and I was still breastfeeding her. After learning so much, I wasn't ashamed of breastfeeding longer than a year because I knew it was better for the both of us. However, my husband didn't feel this way, no matter how much evidence I gave to him. He thought I should quit breastfeeding her because "It's just weird to do it after a year." I started introducing sippy cups with whole milk even though I didn't want to. Pretty soon she was hooked to the new way of drinking milk, and I started to dry up a lot faster than I expected. I fed her maybe once a day, then once every two days, then once every three days, until I just stopped making milk.
It's so weird not to be breastfeeding anymore. I miss the loving and trusting look my daughter would give me as I fed her. She couldn't care less though. She loves getting her cup of milk and seems to have totally forgot where that milk used to come from and how she used to get it. As far as emotions go, I'm the one who's hurting, not her. I really wish I didn't let myself get pressured into stopping though. Maybe that will be the mistake I learn from next time around.
Have any of you been pressured into weaning whether by family or society? Let me know about your breastfeeding experiences.
